Saturday, September 13, 2014

“It’s not like it’s the end of the world.” No, just this one.

When I read on the morning of September 9, 2014 that Stephen Hawking said the “God Particle” could destroy the universe, I said to myself, “There’s a story just beggin for a country song.”

The Ballad of Higgs Boson

Higgs Boson, he was a good ol’ boy, he never told a lie.
He worked hard and went to church and kept his powder dry.
He could skin a hog and saw a log and make that banjo ring;
Then he destroyed the Universe and ruined the whole damn thing.

Higgs Bosun drove a big ol’ truck; it was a mighty rig.
I said, “Higgs, which one is yours?” He said, “The one that’s big.”
Not one to elaborate, he had no words to waste—
Not the sort you’d figure for collapsin time and space.

Higgs Bosun built a cabin with his own two calloused hands.
He met head-on and mastered every one of life’s demands.
Plum eat up with common sense, best man we ever met,
If anyone was still alive, nobody would forget.

Like any other hero, he had a fatal flaw.
Gettin rid of all there is: That was the last straw.
His final, most important test, Lord, that’s the one he flunked.
Everything, includin Kingdom Come, is now defunct. 

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