Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Airplane Mode

Before turning in last night, I put my phone in airplane mode, just to see what would happen. When I woke up this morning, it was flying around the room. Couldn’t access it again until I got online with AT&T and downloaded a boarding pass.

Before turning in last night, I put my phone in airplane mode. A few minutes later, I got a text from a TSA agent demanding a barefoot X-ray selfie. (Good thing I got that radiology app.) Upon awakening, I discovered that my pillow showed up in the lost & found at GaleĆ£o International Airport in Rio de Janeiro. Since I don’t speak the language, I’ll be met by a dream interpreter.    

Before turning in last night, I put my phone in Airplane Mode. Almost immediately, I got a text asking if I’d like to join The Mile-High Club. I said sure. They booked me on a bus to Denver. (Maybe if I hadn’t asked about the AARP discount…)

Before turning in last night, I put my phone in airplane mode. Dreamed I was flying. Then was awakened by a call letting me know that my flight had been cancelled.

Before turning in last night, I put my phone in airplane mode. The phone rang. I answered and was put on hold. Been in this holding pattern for hours.
“Since we cannot deposit you at your desired destination, please enjoy this god-awful music and intermittent assurances that your port of call is important to us. Thank you for flying AT&TWA.”
But didn’t TWA tank in 2001?
“I do not recognize the word ‘tank’ in this context.”
Well, when a company tanks—
“What?”
Tanks!
“You’re welcome. Coffee, tea, or meme?”
Uh…meme, please.”

Before turning in last night, I put my phone in airplane mode. Woke up feeling great! Feather light and rainbow bright! Rooster crowing, bluebirds flying in and out the windows, Captain Kangaroo unlocking the Treasure House, Gene Kelly and Debbie Reynolds tap-dancing and singing “Good Morning!” Aunt Jemima and Dinah in the kitchen, blowin on the old banjo and whippin up a Disney Land breakfast. Up and at ’em! Ain’t nothin we can’t do! Seems they’d lost all my emotional baggage.

Before turning in last night, I put my phone in airplane mode. My PayPal account was immediately charged $8.00 for half a can of Pringles.

Before turning in last night, I put my phone in airplane mode. I was instructed to go sit in the driveway for 12 hours, between a screaming baby and a drunk Seahawks fan, while we waited for a part to arrive from the dark side of the moon.
(The movie is Groundhog Day. We’ve watched it over…and over…and over…)  

Before turning in last night, I put my phone in Airplane mode. “White Rabbit” was automatically added to my playlist.

Before turning in last night, I put my phone in airplane mode. Had to change carriers in Dallas.

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