Monday, September 5, 2016

Labor Day

Getting all psyched up for Labor Day (mostly the 3-day weekend part). Those of us who have jobs are mighty grateful. We also know folks who, through no fault of their own, are out of work. And they have some darn good excuses:

He drove a taxi for a while, but he couldn’t hack it.
She had a job in the shipping department, but they sent her packing.
He worked in a mattress factory, but got laid off.
She opened a gym, but it didn’t work out.
For a while, he was catching frogs for seafood restaurants, but he lost that gig.
She worked in a muffler shop, but came home exhausted.
He worked in a lumber yard (say it with me), but got board.
She was a roofer, but that fell through.
He worked in the Red Wing store until they gave him the boot.
She was a magician’s assistant, the one who got sawed in half. The act split up—but she did get severance pay.
He made wallets, but the business folded.
She was a gold miner, but it didn’t pan out.
He managed the Chipmunks until they showed him the-uh-door.
He was a trapeze artist, but they had to let him go.
She worked at a Mini-Mart until they downsized.
He had a good job manufacturing pedestrian traffic signals until he was given his walking papers.
She worked in a screen door factory, but she talked too much…strained her voice.
He was a taste tester for Ragu until his job was out-sauced.
Her career at the brake shop came to a screeching halt.
He was a donkey wrangler for Juan Valdez until he lost his ass.
He loved working at the sleep clinic and never dreamed he’d be sacked.
Her job at the spice store was just seasonal work.
He was a lumberjack until he got axed…to leave.
She worked for Country Time until her position was e-lemonade-ed.
Even as a professional student he was downgraded.
The job at Victoria’s Secret was fun, and then she got her pink slip.
He was a yoga instructor until his position was terminated.
She worked for Goodyear; they offered her early retirement.
He was a preacher, but being a religious man, refused to work on the Sabbath.
She tried fortune telling, but couldn’t see any future in that.
He hired out as one of Santa’s helpers (he was elf-employed), but they gave him the old heave ho-ho-ho.
She could have had a landscaping job at the cemetery, but she couldn’t work graveyards. She was offered a security guard gig at the veterinary clinic, but they wanted her on the dog watch. How about a maintenance position at the playground? Nah, swing shift.   
He was a department store Easter Bunny, but that Petered out.
She worked in the Huggies plant, but they had to make some changes. (She heard Liquid-Plumr was hiring, but that went down the drain.)
He wanted to open a chain of opium dens, but that was just a pipe dream.
Things at the exotic pet store started out fine for her, but there was just too much monkey business.
He tried to get on as an electrician, but didn’t have the right connections.
She hired on as a letter carrier, but wasn’t sure what she was post to do.
He wanted to be an author, yet he had no typewriter, no computer, no pens, no pencils—he just didn’t have the write stuff.
She made good money selling thongs, but the job wasn’t all it was up cracked to be.
He was a vendor for Dixie Cups, but that went south.
She used to drive a truck; now she’s semi-retired.
He made fried pies, but there was too much turnover.
She opened a fast-food restaurant, but was disenfranchised.
He played trumpet in a Desi Arnaz tribute band, but he Babalu it.
They wouldn’t let her stay at the convent because she wasn’t a team prayer.
He was a mime, but…well, it goes without saying.

More Labor Day Fun:

Hey, kids & retirees!
Before majoring in or training for a new career, make sure it’s something you’ll enjoy. Join us for Experimental Labor Day & we’ll arrange for you to spend some time in your prospective profession. For example:

You can be a Paralegal on a trial basis.
Considering becoming a librarian? Check it out for a couple of weeks.
Think you’d enjoy being a historian? Give it ago.
You could work at Auto Zone…part time.
Do you have a future as a mind reader? See what you think. See what everyone thinks.
Cosmetology? It’s worth a look.
Want to be a shepherd? Get the flock outta here.
Test the water (and get your feet wet) as a hydrologist.
It’s wise to have a Plan B. Have you considered becoming an apiarist?
Do you have tailoring talent? See if it’s a good fit, see if it suits you.
Plumber? Take a crack at it.
Are you interested in becoming a political speech writer? See what lies ahead.
“I’d like to be a radiologist.” Well, let’s see if you have it in you.   
Would you make a good dervish? Give it a whirl.
Work on a Berry Farm? Why Knott?

Labor Day Playlist:

That Lucky Old Sun
Old Man River
Old Rivers
Banana Boat Song (Day O)
Workin in a Coal Mine
16 Tons
9 to 5
6 Days on the Road
5 o’clock World
Get a Job
Take this Job and Shove It
Chain Gang
I Never Picked Cotton
Maggie’s Farm  
She Works Hard for the Money
Workin Man Blues
Workin for a Livin
Takin Care of Business
Draggin the Line
Bang on the Drum All Day
Whistle While You Work
Heigh-Ho (Grumpy, Happy, Sneezy, Dopey, Huey, Dewey, & Blitzen)