Another One Bites the Crust

One last time break out the Zingers and the Ring Dings

Blow up red, yellow, and blue balloons

While we build strong memories a dozen ways

And Yodels a cupcake bucket-kickin tune

 

I thought that hombre had no expiration date

What a sugar shock to find that he did

Makes me want to pack up my lunchbox

And ride into the sunset with Twinkie the Kid

Who thought we’d live long enough to lose our Ding Dongs?

We were marvelously made and Wonder Bread

It won’t seem like Christmas without Ho Ho’s and Sno Balls

Without visions of chocolate donuts dancin in my head

 

We’ve come many miles and Mini Muffins

Now it’s time to say so long to Suzy Q

Later, alligator; after a while, Chocodile

Mrs. Freshley and Little Debbie will have to do

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhD_13mbJQY

Pieces of Ain’t

Listen to the thunder rollin.

Listen to that Beale Street guitar.

Listen to the River overflowin.

And listen to me wonder where you are.

I'd give my right eye if I could see you.

I'd give the world to have you around.

I'd give my right arm just to hold you,

And my low down life to be on higher ground.

Watch a monkey romance a football.

Watch an old dog runnin in his dreams.

Watch me try to figure out what happened,

And change horses in the middle of extremes.

I'd give my right now just to be then,

And everything if nothin had gone wrong.

I'd give my right away to see you later,

And my right here to have been there all along.

Feel a prayer bounce off of the ceilin.

Feel forgettin somethin once well known.

Feel a hobo's heart on Christmas mornin,

And feel me plannin how to carry on.

I'd give my right leg if I could stand it,

Give up the ghost for somethin to live for.

I'd give my right mind not to lose it,

And my best shot not to miss you any more.

Lesser love is kind of like a freight train:

The first few miles the most excitin part.

Sends a certain satisfaction screamin through my brain,

But it don't do nothin for my heart.

Excitin me, shakin me, but it ain't takin me home.

Listen to the thunder rollin.

Listen to that Beale Street guitar.

Listen to the River overflowin.

And listen to me wonder where you are.

I'd give my right eye if I could see you.

I'd give the world to have you around.

I'd give my right arm just to hold you,

And my low down life to be on higher ground.

Nickname Brands

Brother John and I were eye rolling about some of the names they come up with for store brand\knockoff products. We’ve seen Dr. Thunder, Mountain Mojo, Chazoo (chewy fruit wads), Panner Peanut Butter, Panburger Partner, Corntown (cereal), and Casa Mamita Salsa Verde, to name a few. (What’s especially fun about Salsa Verde is that it’s a red sauce.)

In a sincere desire to help, we thought we’d nominate some other possibilities. John, as is his habit, came up with the best ones:

Nurse Practitioner Pepper

Taco Knocker (fast Mexican food—you get it fast, you lose it fast)

Himhe Bars

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butterfingers

Non-dairy Powder Ways

Uncle Jemima Syrup

Aunt Ben’s Rice

Cherubim Soft (facial-quality tissue you use nowhere near your face)

8-Up

Step-Popsicles

Supernatural Light (beer that makes you see…things…some weird damn things)

Coyote Brand Chili

Schmucker’s purple-flavored wiggly stuff (with a name like Schmucker’s, it better be good)

Dinky Debbie (cheap snack cakes that are even cheaper—if not in price, in quality)

iPhony (for making prank calls)

Inexperienced Giant (vegetables in tinhorn cans)

Tater Toddlers

Kansas Fried Chickens (“Try our Breakfast Dust Bowl!” Wash it down with a Gnu-Grape of Wrath.)

Re-Mi-Fa-So-La-TiRitos    

Maxwell Hovel (good to the last rat dropping)

Dairy Heir to the Throne (“We’ll make you feel like a Dairy Heir!”)

SHAM (“Made from real meat—no specific animal implied—from our driveway to your table!”)

Lizard-Ade

Bear Huggies (“Sure, they’re too small, but at this price you’ll make them fit.”)

Chef Boy-Are-We (You kids hungry enough to eat this crap? “Boy, are we!”)

Secrete (“Chemically clogs your pits so you don’t go around smelling like a human.”)

Show-Me State Motor Oil (“Show me the dipstick!”)

Paul & Mary Pan Peanut Butter (“Try our new Dragon Puffs—they’re magically suspicious.”)

I know you’ll want to add your own.